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Every first-time time parent scours the internet and interviews friends trying to figure out the essential items they’ll need before their little bundle of joy arrives. Take a trip down the aisles of Buy Buy Baby and you’ll see how overwhelming this can be. The choices are endless. How do you decide what you need and what you don’t? Well, you can probably start by crossing all of the items on this list OFF yours. No doubt, desperate new parents pay good money for these, but we can assure you that you definitely don’t need them for anything other than a good laugh. Save your hard-earned cash for all of those diapers—you’re going to need it.
1. Pee Pee Teepee
A washcloth is just too practical. Instead you can use these adorable teepees to keep you safe from the “sprinkling wee wee.”
2. Daddle Saddle
This one may not be necessary but I am thrilled that it has been invented. It will make watching dads give horsey rides so much more entertaining. Don’t forget to put on the knee pads to make the ride more enjoyable for everyone watching.
3. Time-Out Pad
Yeah, this is necessary because where in the world would your toddler sit for time-out if you didn’t have a circular pad? I suppose the timer would keep you from accidentally leaving your toddler in time-out for a half hour while you embrace the silence.
4. Baby Knee Pads
You wouldn’t want those soft baby knees getting roughed up on the carpet or hardwood floor.
5. Pacifier Wipes
Pacifiers can be sanitized with any number of products that you already have. No need to buy and tote around yet another extra baby item dedicated to one small purpose.
6. The Snozzie
A perfect product for anyone who loves wrapping drool and snot around their wrist and then carrying it there all day. Yes, you will have a tissue when you need one, but then what?
7. Toddler Urinal
As far as urinals go, this is most definitely the cutest one that I have ever seen. Is it imperative to have though? Not even close.
8. Over-The-Door Baby Hangers
This is for all those times you have stepped into a bathroom stall holding your little munchkin and thought now where do I put him? If you have the Babykeeper, it won’t be a problem. Just hook him up. (That may be the first time I have ever used that phrase literally.)
9. Hair Hat
Every bald baby will instantly turn into a Cabbage Patch doll with this hat. Changing hair color and style has never been so easy.
10. Bumper Bonnet
This product is exactly what it sounds like. Instead of putting the bumper around the bed, you place it on the baby’s head. This way no matter where your child is they will have a soft cushion to protect their head from any minor bump.
11. Baby Perfume
Why would you ever want to mask that beautiful newborn baby scent? Besides, if you purchase this product, you will have to pick up the diaper alarm to know if the diaper is dirty or not.
12. Baby-Stimulating Shirt
Guarantee your newborn is continuously overwhelmed by purchasing this $36 shirt.
13. Kids Portable Urinal
This is a disaster waiting to happen. Plus I am pretty sure there will be some lasting emotional consequences for any child who was forced to pee into an animal’s mouth.
14. Diaper Alarm
Yep, you can now know instantly when your baby has gone to the bathroom. Be continually aware of your baby’s diaper status by utilizing the mobile app. The app will document the intervals between each pee and poop—because that’s something every parent needs to know.
15. Potty Mitts
A perfect product for any germaphobe in your life. The mitts can go right into the trash when you’re done using them. As a side note, hand washing is still necessary even with glove use.