Cats Take Vitamix Blender Hostage In Hilarious Drawn-Out Facebook Saga

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It all started on Black Friday, when Jessica Gerson-Neeves and her wife, Nikii, finally purchased the coveted Vitamix they’d been wanting, thanks to Amazon. When their purchase arrived, they set it on the kitchen floor “just for a quick second,” as Gerson-Neeves explained in a Facebook post.

“That was our first mistake, and this is where things get weird,” she wrote. 

The Gerson-Neeves household has three cats: Max, Lando Calrissian and George, Destroyer of Worlds. During that moment when the Vitamix box was on the floor, Max (also known as the sentient soccer ball) jumped on top of it. And since then, almost two months ago, neither of the humans has been able to get their hands on the Vitamix box; there has been at least one, and sometimes two, cats on it at all times.

“With three cats and only two humans in the household, the humans are outnumbered and (being giant suckers), both frightened of and unwilling to forcibly relocate the offending cats,” Jessica wrote. “Yes, we realize we’re absolute madwomen, and yes, we are both ashamed and sorry.”

The Gerson-Neeves’ predicament came to public attention after Jessica posted an account of their plight to a Facebook group called This Cat is C.H O N K Y, then appealed to the Vitamix company on its page to send three empty boxes that it hoped would end the standoff in their home.

The Vitamix company did send the requested boxes, in hopes that the cats would take to the others and leave the actual blender-filled box unattended. However, while the cats did explore the decoy boxes, two of which the Gerson-Neeves labeled “HMCS Definitely a Real Vitamix,” and the “HMCS Lies” (and they put blankets and clothes inside), they did not relinquish the original Vitamix-containing box, which they’ve named “The One True Box.”

In the Facebook post below, which is from the cats’ Facebook page, you can see the real Vitamix on the right, and the decoy boxes to its left. (Note: The name of the Facebook page includes profanity.) Eventually, the cats upended one of the decoy boxes, resulting in some disenchantment. It was duly repaired, though, and the cats have taken command of it, too.

Given the continuing difficulties with these cats, Vitamix decided to go one step further: the company is sending the Gerson-Neeves a brand-new blender, along with some suggestions on how the couple can actually get to use this one.

“Yes, that’s right, the magnificent Powers That Be at Vitamix are putting a brand new blender in the mail, along with a peace offering of some kind for the cats,” Jessica’s post on the cats’ Facebook page from last Friday said. “They have strongly advised opening that blender outside.”

In the meantime, though, the standoff continues. In the latest post, labeled “Month 2, Day 3,” Max (the sentient soccer ball) made room for Lando (the questionably sentient dust bunny on top of the One True Box).

You can keep up with the continuing saga by following the cats’ Facebook page. Hopefully, the arrival of a new blender will end Appliancegate, but it’s been quite the ride — and we’re in no hurry for it to end!