Grandma Accidentally Buys Profane Book For 6-Year-Old — Oops!

It might be a picture book, but it's definitely not for kids!

The products and services mentioned below were selected independent of sales and advertising. However, Simplemost may receive a small commission from the purchase of any products or services through an affiliate link to the retailer's website.

Twitter user Tiffany says her mother, like any good grandparent, is always on the lookout for books for Tiffany’s 6-year-old, Emmersyn. So when Grandma came across the book “If Animals Could Talk,” she thought it would make a great gift.

I mean, just look at the adorable cover!


Plus, who wouldn’t want to know what animals would do if granted the gift of speech? Well, unfortunately for Grandma, the answer appears to be “cuss like bleeping sailors.”

ALERT: This story about a profane picture book contains pictures of profanity in a book. Proceed with caution.

Emmersyn began reading the book with her father. Now, it’s not unusual for a child to ask for help with certain words from a parent while reading. But Emmersyn’s dad realized very quickly that these words were of the four-letter variety.

One of the first pages of the book involves a chick and, spoiler alert, the chick does not say “peep peep.”

I don’t remember that verse of “Old MacDonald Had a Farm.”

“So I called my mom and I was, like, ‘Remember that book you got Emmy, ‘If Animals Could Talk?’ And she’s, like, yeah,” Tiffany told Buzzfeed. “I said, ‘Did you actually open it?’ And she said no,” she said. “I started reading some of the pages to her, and she was mortified.”

Tiffany and her husband, however, found it hilarious, and so did the internet. Tiffany tweeted about her mother’s foul-up and it has already gotten more than 87,000 retweets.

Even one of the authors of the book, Josh Cassidy, got a good laugh out of the chaos his creation hath wrought.

According to an Amazon preview of the book (which Grandma probably should have read) Cassidy met his co-author Carla Butwin met at a Detroit ad agency. Cassidy started sending jokes in the form of animal thoughts to Butwin, who as it turned out, liked drawing animals.

The pair started a blog and an Instagram and the book “If Animals Could Talk” was born. Crude jokes and doodles turning into a full-time job: it’s the American Bleeping Dream.

Luckily, it appears that Tiffany’s mother isn’t the only one to have inadvertently let a child get her hands on the book.


So I think the lesson here is that you should always check out a few pages before giving a child a book. Or, if that sounds like a lot of work, we did the reading for you and put together a list of good kids books! Because we know you’re busy still reading “If Animals Could Talk.”