What It’s Like To Shop At Forever 21 After You Can No Longer Pass For 21
Maybe you can still pull it off on a regular basis. Maybe, like me, you venture in only when you have a girls’ weekend planned in Miami or Vegas and you really want to try out a crop top but can’t justify spending more than $4.80 for an item you will donate the second you return to your life of yoga pants and t-shirts.
Anyway you slice it, Forever 21 is a totally different experience the second you can no longer pass for 21 years old.
If there was running audio of the thoughts in my head while shopping at Forever 21 as a 3o-something year old woman, it would go something like this:
Pre-Store Pep Talk
I can do this. I’m still hip.
If I wear sunglasses and something trendy, maybe these 18 year-old clerks will think I’m 27, 28 tops. If they figure me out, I’m shopping for my niece. Yep, she’s about my size. Definitely shopping for my niece.
Deep Breath…And I’m Entering the Store
This is good. This is good. I’m seeing lots of cute things. Time to get down to business. Hold up. Beastie Boys? Rugrats? 1998? Are the 90’s funny now?
This dress is so cute! Oh crap, wait a minute, I’m pretty sure my 15 year-old babysitter was wearing that Saturday. Next.
Turnt? Woes? Bae? Laters? What language is this? What does it all mean?
If I wash this, I’m pretty sure it will turn to dust. Is it possible to wear anything in here more than once? Who cares? This dress is only $9.80.
Is it me or is everyone smug? And, what is everyone staring at?
Ooo-oooh, these? These aren’t my kids, I’m just babysitting.
Did I just disown my children? Sorry kids, I’ll buy you an ice cream if we make it out of here. Oh, now this is a cute skirt. Oh, wait, wait a second. This is a dress? Seriously?
How in the holy heck do you wear a bra with this?
Do kids wear bras anymore?
I could totally rock this bodycon dress.
A fitting room? No, absolutely not. There is no way I’m trying anything on. What if I get stuck in this dress? I’d rather cut it off in the comfort and shame of my own home.
What else, what else….oooo, jeans for $19.80? T’s for $3.80! How can this clutch be so cheap? Yes. Yes. Yes.
Time to Check Out
Yes, I know I can’t return anything unless I want store credit.
I paid more for this latte, than this top. I’ll throw it away if it doesn’t work.
And, this music is really loud. Are we shouting?
How much? $50? But, I got 10 things? Are you sure you rang everything up?
All those teens totally thought I was 27…. or at the very least a really cool mom.
Yep. Still got it.
Photo by JeepersMedia