Colorado Police Are On The Lookout For The ‘Mad Pooper’

We have so many questions about this.

Okay, here’s a news story that is guaranteed to make you laugh. There is a “mad pooper” on the loose in Colorado Springs, and she is making her presence known all over the fair city.

The woman, who is a runner, has been witnessed numerous times defecating while mid-run in her neighbors’ yards.

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Yikes. It sounds like a joke, but it’s 100% real. And, as funny as the story might sound, the cops are taking the issue very seriously.

According to KKTV, it all started when Cathy Budde’s children came running up to tell her “Mommy! Mommy! There is a woman pooping in our yard.”

Of course, Budde at first assumed her kids were pulling her leg, but when she looked out the window, she discovered that they were serious.

Budde confronted the woman and demanded to know why she was pooping in her yard, but the runner gave little explanation or apology.

Budde says that the woman has pooped in her yard on two more occasions, and possibly more, as she has found “evidence” of the woman’s activities since then.

Lt. Howard Black of the Colorado Springs Police Department, told the Washington Post, “This has been comical, but I also don’t want to be flip about it. If it’s a mental health issue, she’ll still be held accountable, but we would want to get her help.”

That’s right. Taking a doo-doo in your neighbor’s yard is against the law, and it could carry a fine or even jail time. And as bizarre as the story might sound, the reality is that many runners confess that they have experienced similar urges. That’s because intense exercise like running can cause GI distress, with up to 80 percent of serious runners experiencing such symptoms.

Gastroenterologist James Lee, M.D., of St. Joseph’s Hospital in Orange, California told running might make you need to poop because your colonic motility (a.k.a. your urge to poop) is impacted by the hormones released during your run.

Eeek. So no wonder runners sometimes feel they like they can’t wait until they make it home.

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Experts advise that you eat only small amounts before your run and that you avoid high-fat and high-calorie foods. If you often need to ‘go’ mid-run, try taking a light jog around the block, then come home and do your business, then go back out for the rest of your run.

And whatever, you do, don’t use your neighbors’ lawns as your personal toilet! One mad pooper is all this country can handle at a time.

[H/t: Bustle]