Getting married is a big commitment, and it’s one that can sound both scary and exciting all at once. With all these conflicting emotions, you may be questioning whether or not you’re making the right choice, but it’s important to know whether your emotions are a normal part of the nerves of tying the knot or if they’re telling you that you’re jumping in too fast.
It’s normal to have these mixed feelings, but they’re not always a sign that marriage isn’t right for you. So how do you know if it really is too soon for a wedding? I consulted with a variety of dating and relationship experts to come up with seven signs you’re not actually ready for marriage.
1. You’re Getting Pressured By Friends And Family
“If you’re getting married because you’re supposed to, your mom wants grandkids, you’re getting up in age, or any reason other than wanting a life of love with your partner, you’re not ready,” says dating and relationship coach Jonathan Bennett. Same goes if your partner is the one pressuring you as well.
2. You’re Still Hung Up On An Ex
“If you’re still holding on to past relationships and haven’t had a clean break, you’re unable to completely give yourself to your future partner,” says dating expert April Davis. If you’re constantly comparing your new relationship to your old relationship, it may not be time to tie the knot quite yet.
3. You Avoid Talking About The Future
Marriage means a long future together, so if you or your partner are not ready to seriously talk about it, it may not be time for a wedding. “Talking about the future can be a great way for you and that special someone to bond and learn more about each other, especially as the relationship starts moving towards the next level,” says relationship expert Sarah Patt.
4. You Refuse To Share Money
“Not all couples have joint finances, but if you refuse to have any economic unity, at all, with your partner, this could be an indicator that you’re not fully committed and therefore, unready to commit to an entire lifetime together,” says psychotherapist and relationship expert Denise Limongello, LMSW. “Studies show that couples with joint finances often report feeling support, trust, and unity with their partners.”
5. You’re Focusing On The Superficial
“The criteria you use to choose a mate [shouldn’t be] based on superficial things, such as looks, or money (and all the trappings that come with them),” says relationship coach Karen Jones. “All of these can change very quickly rather than core values and life goals, which tend to be more consistent over time.” After all, marriage is for the long haul.
6. You Don’t Love Yourself
Everyone has their own issues to work out, but you have to come to terms with them before you get deeply involved with someone else. “If you don’t know just how wonderful you really are, you’re not ready for marriage,” says personal development coach Nicole Casanova. “If you can’t deeply love yourself yet, how will someone else be able to?
7. Your Gut Is Telling You No
“If your gut is telling you that you shouldn’t get married, don’t ignore it,” says Bennett. “While getting married is bound to create anxiety, if you have a nagging gut feeling that it’s the wrong choice, then you’re not ready.”
Photo by Blyzz