Life

5 Reminders On Why Being Single Is Better Than Staying In Bad Relationship

 

You probably know people who are in unhealthy relationships – you wonder why they stay, and they give you 101 reasons for doing so. But, as someone who’s been there, learned from it, and gotten out of it, you wish they, too, would choose singleness instead.

Below are five primary reasons why being single is the best decision when it comes to deciding between “single” or “bad relationship.”

1. Take A Chance And Set Them Free

bird cage photo
Photo by Jeanne Masar

“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.” ~ Richard Bach

You’ve probably heard this quote or a version of it. You love someone so much, yet you know something’s amiss. You stop dating them. Your heart is broken. You think you lost your soulmate, even though you know, deep down, the person’s not right for you.

And, yes, sometimes they come back, but oftentimes, it’s too late – you’ve felt better being alone than when you were with them. Or they don’t come back, and it’s still too late – because you’ve moved on and found the one and cannot believe how long you spent pining over the wrong one(s).

2. Ask Yourself If You Are Getting What You Need (And Want)?

arguing photo
Photo by dmarklaing

“It’s never overreacting to ask for what you want and need.” ~ Amy Poehler

If you haven’t read Yes Please, it’s a great book and shows that Amy Poehler is just like one of us—a human being who loves, who hurts, who has anxiety, and who goes after what she wants (and needs).

So, if you’re not getting what you want and need in your romantic relationship, it’s time to be single. During your alone-and-self-discovery time, you can assess what you must have in a relationship (i.e., a non-smoker) versus want you want (and can compromise on) in one (i.e., someone taller).  Dr. Phil talks about this in his books, and I’ve followed the advice since.  So, make sure you put your priorities—wants and needs—first.

3. Are You Happier When Not With Your Significant Other?

happy alone photo
Photo by missportilla

“It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.” ~ George Washington

Whether you want to listen to George Washington…

“It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone—so far.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

…or Marilyn Monroe,

I think we can agree on the same thing here—if you’re happier when alone, it means something. Sure, if you’ve just broken things off, you’re sad and miss the person and want to get back together – right now. But, with time, try to remember the bad, not the good.

There’s a reason you two broke up, and if you broke up many times for the same reasons, that’s a sign, too, that you’re better off alone. Plus, isn’t it nice not to argue with someone every day? Nice not to feel diminished when he or she verbally attacks you? Nice to not be on pins and needles all the time?

My therapist friend likes to advise our friend group on dating and says to ask ourselves one key question: “How does the person make you feel?” If you smile and can’t get enough of them, the answer is obvious. If you don’t, the answer is obvious.

4. Are You And Your Significant Other On The Same Page?

 

 

wedding dress photo
Photo by Fire At Will [Photography]
“I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.” ~ Garry Shandling

Is one of you into the relationship more than the other?  If you’re in marriage mode, and the person you’re dating is not, what are you doing? True, not everyone is in “Let’s-get-married!”-mode from Date #1, but it is good if you share that long-term goal, among other common goals, of course.

Just like, if one of you wants commitment, yet the other doesn’t – will that bother you? I have a friend who says it doesn’t bother her, yet it clearly does as is evidenced by her Facebook- and Instagram-stalking the guy, trying to figure out whom he’s with when he’s not with her. So, if you want someone who will date only you, he does exist… as soon as you stop dating the person who doesn’t want to date just you.

5. Are You Settling?

pouting
Jeff Simms/Flickr

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” ~ Candace Bushnell, Sex in the City

I’m sure you know someone who has settled—they’re tired of dating, like and love their partner enough (yet are not over-the-top in love with them), and think the person’s good enough, so why not be with them? Wrong.

Yes, many of us have probably stayed in certain relationships too long when they weren’t moving forward and when the person was not an ideal match. But that’s where faith comes in. Faith that you’ll be fine on your own, i.e., single. Faith that there’s a better match out there with your name on him (or her). And faith that, when the time is right, you will meet someone you can’t wait to see and spend every free moment with.

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