Listen up. This all-too-real, hilarious chart titled “How Kids Judge The Halloween Candy You Give Out” from the blog “How To Be A Dad” perfectly explains the thoughts running through each kids’ head when they empty out their candy bags after a night of trick-or-treating.
From The Old Timer to The Cheapy McCheapFace or The Partypooper, everyone falls on the list somewhere.
For a high level overview, no one likes wafers, candy corn or those gooey candies wrapped in orange and black that are trying so hard to be festive but are literally the worst.
If you give out anything resembling the aforementioned candies, then you need to rethink your candy bucket next year. Seriously.
Because, of course, if you don’t, you could be the gossip around the Halloween candy pile in every kids’ living rooms. And what will they be saying about you, you ask? Well, they won’t be lauding your candy choices, I’ll tell you that much.
Here’s what else you need to know before you go candy shopping:
How Kids Judge Halloween Candy
Do you hand out candy you wouldn’t even eat? We’re talking candy from last year’s Halloween sale. Or maybe it’s candy you can’t even identify. Well, you’ve earned yourself a spot as either The Old Timer (think, chewy, butterscotch-tasting things) or Cheapy McCheapface, which actually sounds super creepy, so double thumbs down for you.
If you’re handing out candy canes from Christmas or black licorice, then just stop. You’re deemed The Psychopath and your candy will likely just get thrown away. And if you forgot to get candy but still want to participate—or simply ran out—so you start handing out weird things from around your home? Well, you are The Spaz and should probably just turn off your porch light and hide inside.
The worst of the worst, however, is that one home that clearly hates fun. But instead of just sitting this one out, The Partypooper insists on bringing down the joy by giving out things like raisins and *shutter* dental floss.
So, we’re saving the best ones for last! The Trusty Provider is a solid source for candy and one that gives out the goods, without going too crazy. Think the classic candy offerings: mini chocolate bars, fun size bags of things like Skittles, etc.
The Legend, however, will have stories told about them by the kids for years to come—with the tales passed down to their own children and grandchildren! The Legend gives out full-size candies of the type everyone likes (think: Snickers, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups) and potentially even cash. There aren’t many of those people around, so it’s no wonder they reach legendary status.
Take a closer look at the graphic to see where you fall on the list:
This is serious stuff, people! A candy’s street cred as a good or bad Halloween score can really affect a brand. Kerr’s Candy even took to social media to sass-ily defend themselves after a newspaper deemed them “the worst Halloween candy”.
— Tristin Hopper (@TristinHopper) October 26, 2017
And, just in case you were wondering, actual research has been done on the best and worst trick-or-treating candy. Halloween Express surveyed more than 2,000 Americans to find out their favorite and least favorite candy to receive. The most favored? Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. The one most likely to go in the trash? Candy corn.
How do other candies stack up?
Halloween Express also broke it all down by state, with Reese’s winning in all but 18 states. Candy corn, however, was only hated the most in 21 states, with licorice close behind.
Find where you favorite candy stacks up by checking out these fun Halloween treat surveys!
But before you do anything, if you’re not landing in the Legend or Trusty Provider categories, time to make a quick trip to the store!