25 Ways To Know If He (Or She) Is The One


I’m not married, but my married friends and family members often give me advice (and plenty of it… unsolicited!) on what to look for in my future husband. Plus, I do a lot of reading. And dating. A girl’s got to practice, right? With each boyfriend, I discover traits I like, as well as ones I do not.

Below, I gathered the top 25 traits to look for to determine whether your significant other is “the one,” five apiece from five top experts on the matter. Do you agree? What would you add?

My Therapist

  1. He or she gives you what you need in someone
  2. You accept him “as is”—don’t expect him to change—and he does the same regarding you
  3. You bring out the best in each other
  4. You are supportive of each other’s dreams and goals
  5. You give each other space

My Married Friends

  1. You have the same values
  2. You compromise
  3. You accept that some days are harder than others (i.e., not every day is going to be like the first date)
  4. There is no one you would rather spend every day with; he or she truly is your best friend
  5. They don’t have addiction issues (like drugs or alcohol)

Dr. Tina Tessina, Ph.D. (aka Dr. Romance)

In YourTango, adapted from the book The Unofficial Guide To Dating Again

  1. He [or she] has a sense of humor
  2. He [or she] has a life with a job, friends, family relationships and interests
  3. His [or her] modesty, humility, and ego are balanced
  4. He [or she] is emotionally mature
  5. He [or she] has a healthy history of relationships

James M. Sama

From His Blog Post, If You Ever Fall In Love, Fall In Love With Someone Who…

  1. You can laugh with, but also cry with
  2. You respect
  3. You can be young and crazy with, but also picture being old and wise with
  4. You are proud to be with
  5. You would do anything to spend time with


  1. He [or she] always brags about you
  2. He [or she] makes sacrifices for you—and you’re happy to do the same for him [or her]
  3. Even after years together, he [or she] still does little chivalrous things for you
  4. “I miss you” isn’t just a sweet thing you say. It’s a reality
  5. He [or she] tells you, out of the blue, that you look hot (and it’s on the day you didn’t dry your hair or put on makeup or even change out of your T-shirt and sweatpants)

Now, as I continue dating, I’ll be sure to look out for the above to help guide me. “He” is out there somewhere, right?

Photo by gags9999

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About the Author
Natalia Lusinski
In addition to Simplemost, Natalia is an ongoing writer for Bustle (sex, dating, relationships, and money), HelloGiggles (pop culture and news), The Delite (feel-good stories), and Don’t Waste Your Money (yep, money issues!). You can also find her writing in the L.A. Times, the Chicago Tribune's RedEye, xoJane, Elite Daily, Scary Mommy, Elephant Journal, and Chicken Soup for the Soul anthologies, among other publications. She has a Ph.D. in couch-surfing, having spent four years sleeping on over 200 L.A.-area love seats and sectionals, all in an effort to whittle down her student loan debt. She still loves couch-surfing in other cities, too (hint, hint).

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