Although people are waiting longer to get married, more than two million couples get hitched every year in the United States. Just as couples are giving more time, and perhaps putting more thought, into their ceremonies and commitments to one another, many are also reconsidering traditional vows.
But, as anyone who’s spent a decent amount of time in a relationship knows, the idealistic and romantic can quickly be usurped by the practical. We took to Twitter to find out what people — married, engaged, or otherwise — have said they might use if they were to recite what they consider realistic vows on their wedding day.
Having someone to snuggle with on cold nights is one of the many benefits of marriage. Some newlyweds might not anticipate the potential downside of this. Twitter user @PetrickSara tweeted, “I promise to always warm my ice cold feet upon your body when you least expect it.”
Realistic Wedding Vows:
I promise to always warm my icy cold feet upon your body when you least expect it.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 8, 2017
Overlook Unintentional Snubs
Cooking for your spouse can be a great way to show love. If your mate doesn’t love what you cook, though, it can feel like a slight. Alexandra Rosas tweeted, “For better or for worse, and when you douse every meal I make with Open Pit BBQ sauce…”
Realistic Wedding Vows: For better or for worse, and when you douse every meal I make with Open Pit BBQ sauce…
— Alexandra Rosas (@GDRPempress) March 1, 2014
Be There for Each Other
There are times in life when you need a shoulder to cry on. Other times, you require a champion to fight for you. When you vow to be that person for your partner, it might also call for a midnight run to grab a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. That seems to be the case, at least for Twitter user @homersweethome.
Fr this day forward, i promise to run out & get ice cream for u in the middle of the night@chicogarcia
— Homer Ballega (@homersweethome) May 11, 2015
Know When To Stay Quiet
You can’t really promise to say the right words all the time; you’re only human. But you can vow to say nothing when it’s for the best. Twitter user @JeffDenton recommends adding to your vows, “Do you promise to keep your mouth shut if her casserole doesn’t taste like your mother’s?” Bonus vow: “I promise to never compare you to my mom.”
Do you promise to keep your mouth shut if her casserole doesn't taste like your mother's?
I Do. #RealisticWeddingVows
— Jeff Denton (@JeffDenton) June 16, 2017
Communication Is Key
You will have disagreements. You may even stop speaking for a time. But never let the sun go down on your anger and, as Twitter user @craigstone_ recommends, always check to see if your spouse can actually hear what you’re saying.
To love and hold, to forever be in one room speaking, as your partner responds in another with, "What?" "I can't hear you?" #realweddingvows
— Craig Stone (@craigstone_) September 16, 2017
You might be gym rats now, but life has a funny way of changing things. Realistic vows might mention those potential shifts in body type. For instance, babies may bring stretch marks. Men change, too. Twitter user @Andrew95Country was up-front about it when he tweeted, “In ten years, my six-pack abs will morph into beer keg abs.”
"In ten years, my six-pack abs will morph into beer keg abs. " #RealisticWeddingVows @TheHashtagGame
— Andrew Michael (@Andrew95Country) November 30, 2014
Even when you’re married, it’s important to make special time for one another. Your nights out might not be as sweet and romantic as they were when you were just dating, though. Promising you won’t care where you go out to eat together is probably not as realistic as this vow by Twitter user @3sunzzz: “I promise to tell you I don’t care where we go out to eat, yet when you choose the restaurant, it will always be the wrong one.”
Realistic Wedding Vow:
I promise to tell you I don't care where we go out to eat, yet when you choose the restaurant, it will always be the wrong one.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) February 20, 2018
You would give your beloved your last dime and the shirt off your back. But would you let them eat the rest of your favorite food? If so, it must be true love. @kalidhussein tweeted, “Do you promise to love this woman even if she eats the last brown sugar pop tarts even though you told her you wanted it?”
"Do you promise to love this woman even if she eats the last brown sugar pop tarts even though you told her you wanted it?" #realweddingvows
— Thiccabod Crane (@kalidhussein) August 28, 2013
Keep The In-Laws On Their Toes
When you tie the knot, you aren’t just marrying your significant other. You’re marrying into the entire family. Treating them with respect while remaining true to yourself can be a challenge. @Vinsane614 tweeted, “I promise to always flirt with the line between charming and belligerent at YOUR family gatherings.”
I promise to always flirt with the line between charming and belligerent at YOUR family gatherings #realmarriagevows https://t.co/SA84QUpTJY
— Magic Michelangelo (@Vinsane614) July 1, 2016
Getting married means you always have someone in your corner. Someone who will take your side, stick up for you and give you support. Someone you can tag on Instagram. @chancefussell tweeted, “I vow to let you tag me in an Instagram giveaway as long as we both shall live.”
I vow to let you tag me in an Instagram giveaway as long as we both shall live #realisticvows
— Chance Fussell (@chancefussell) March 25, 2015
Buy Pre-Assembled Furniture
Putting together a desk, shelving unit or other “assembly-required” piece of furniture can be a test of any relationship. It could bring you closer together or drive a wedge between you. If you’d rather not find out, you might think about putting a fail-safe in your vows, as Twitter user @senicRTKate did: “I promise to never make you build something I bought from Ikea.”
Also best wedding vow ever: "I promise to never make you build something I bought from Ikea"
— Katie Burke (@senicRTKate) September 17, 2016
Seat up or seat down? It’s probably wise to come to an agreement before you say, “I do.” Whether or not you choose to include it in your vows is up to you, but Twitter user @abel17rs thinks it’s a good idea.
@rx931 #themorningrush #FunnyWeddingVows promise to always put the toilet seat down when I'm done
— abel (@abel17rs) May 30, 2013
Humor One Another
Everyone has their quirks. Marriage means not just overlooking your partner’s idiosyncrasies but actually embracing them. @asininepunchlin tweeted the realistic wedding vow of, “I promise to humor your pointless obsessions if you humor mine.”
I promise to humor your pointless obsessions if you humor mine. #RealisticWeddingVows
— Asinine Punchline (@asininepunchlin) November 30, 2014
Give The Right Answers
When your other half asks certain questions, you should always be prepared to provide an answer that fosters a happy marriage. Questions such as, “Do you think she’s prettier than me?” or “Do I remind you of my mother?” usually have only one correct answer. All you have to do is be truthful, of course. Just follow the lead of Twitter user @GreenEyedLilo.
The answer to "How does my butt look?" will always be "awesome!" #RealisticWeddingVows
— Jayelle #IStandWithBubba 🇺🇸🏳️🌈💖💜💙 (@GreenEyedLilo) November 30, 2014
Marriage means spending your life with your favorite person. Your closest friend. Your soulmate. It might also mean doing things you don’t like because you care more about spending time together. Twitter user @JoeDoubleYou knows what we mean.
Fight It Out
Isn’t it lovely that married couples never fight? OK, of course they fight, but only about significant issues and only on rare occasions. Who are we kidding? The best of couples can fight about some silly thing, drop it and then pick it up again five months later. @ksumofo tweeted, “For better or worse, in sickness and health, having the same fight over and over and over again, till death do you part” as her idea of a realistic wedding vow.
"For better or worse, in sickness and health, having the same fight over and over and over again, till death do you part?" #realweddingvows #thingsIvelearnedin20yrsmarriage
— Some Mary (@ksumofo) October 22, 2018
Always Be Tactful
You should never use foul language toward your spouse. Or at least not in front of them. Wait until he or she walks away and then curse under your breath, as Twitter user @MacgyveringM22 recommends.
And I promise to love, cherish and only cuss you out once you’ve left the room, ‘til death do us part.
– realistic marriage vows
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) April 28, 2018
Don’t Wake Up Angry
You’ve heard you should never go to bed mad, but you should be on good terms when you wake up as well. Your partner might not have the same sleep habits as you. As Twitter user @moyermama suggests, vow to find a way to work it out nonviolently.
"I promise not to stab you if you angrily rearrange the blankets while I'm sleeping."#realisticweddingvows
— Jan (@moyermama) January 17, 2017
Pledge to always be faithful. Promise to share your thoughts and feelings. And, of course, as Twitter user @RealGregWeber suggests, vow to have chocolate chip cookie dough on hand at all times.
When you share your life and home with someone, you share everything. That could mean a bathroom sink cluttered with hair products or a house full of your mate’s pals on game night. It often means unbecoming odors now and then, as well. At least Twitter user @TiffServo knows what she’s getting into.
#RealisticWeddingVows "I promise to love and cherish you, even though you make me gag daily with your farts."
— The Tiffest Tiff (@TiffServo) June 28, 2015
No person is perfect. Sometimes your spouse’s thoughtfulness, intelligence or sense of humor will send you over the moon. Other times, not so much. @akattoua tweeted the realistic marriage vow, “I promise you’ll want to simultaneously kiss me and stab me with a kitchen knife 80% of the time.”
I promise you'll want to simultaneously kiss me and stab me with a kitchen knife 80% of the time #realmarriagevows https://t.co/tlOWn0POo2
— Adam Kattoua (@akattoua) July 1, 2016
The Couple That Plays Together Stays Together
Chances are good you first fell for your other half thanks to shared hobbies or passions. Commit to keeping those interests alive. It doesn’t matter if that’s volunteer work, gourmet cooking or, as in Twitter user @Ygrene’s case, gaming.
[last line of wedding vows]
Priest: and finally I promise to never hit you with red shells in Mario Kart
Me: and finally I promise to never hit you with red shells in Mario Kart
Bride: *starts weeping openly*
— Ygrene (@Ygrene) February 3, 2019
U R Cute
Perhaps you’re the couple that loves taking selfies together. Maybe you’re the ideal Insta-couple. On the other hand, maybe the idea of sharing the deets of your personal life on social media makes you queasy. If you fall into the latter category, you might like the realistic marriage vows by @cassandra5cc, who tweeted, “I promise to never make you take selfies on airplanes before we go on holiday and I promise to never make a final decision on anywhere we eat. Love u lots, u r cute.”
My (future) wedding vows: I promise to never make you take selfies on airplanes before we go on holiday and I promise to never make a final decision on anywhere we eat. Love u lots, u r cute.
— Cassie (@cassandra5cc) December 21, 2018
Your sweet grandma taught you that if you didn’t have something nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all. You might not be able to hold true to that idea all the time, but doesn’t your life partner deserve your best side? Twitter user @nicolebatchelor believes that promising to not use your road rage voice with your mate is a good place to begin.
We’re not writing wedding vows, but if we were I would ask my fiancé’s to include, “I promise to never talk to you like I talk to other cars when I’m driving.”
— Nicole McCauley (@nicolebatchelor) September 16, 2018
In marriage, it’s important to make concessions for the sake of a peaceful, loving union. For example, plan to do Thanksgiving with your spouse’s parents, and then do Christmas with your folks. And as Twitter user @ColorMeLorin suggests, insist that if he picks up his socks, you’ll keep the kitchen stocked with cookies and cheese dogs.
"I promise to never let us run out of cheddar dogs or cookies. If you can pick up your damn socks."
– me trying to write my wedding vows.
— Cynical Mommy (@ColorMeLorin) July 19, 2017
Keep Your Promises
Your realistic, personal vows could include never making big plans during football season. You might promise to laugh even though you’ve heard that joke a gazillion times. Or you could be like @sassyseouless, who tweeted, “Promising your significant other to immediately shoot him/her the face if ever bitten by a zombie” as a marriage vow that means something.
Promising your significant other to immediately shoot him/her the face if ever bitten by a zombie. #realweddingvows
— Jenn with 2 N’s (@sassyseouless) April 22, 2013
Sure, spending time together is wonderful. You have certain pastimes you both enjoy. You’ll even attend events that bore you to tears because it means so much to your sweetheart. But those couples’ paint nights? That’s where Twitter user @lucymoye draws the line.
My future wedding vows: I promise to never force you to take part in a couples’ paint nite for as long as we both shall live.
— Lucy Moye (@lucymoye) March 29, 2017
Some things simply draw you together in a special way. There are passions and unique fascinations that only the two of you understand. Promising to always pursue them is hopelessly romantic, such as in this tweet by @trollonish: “gummy bears. Nutella. Harry Potter. #OurWeddingVows.”
@AintNoWifeyxO gummy bears. Nutella. Harry Potter. #OurWeddingVows.
— Taronish Elavia (@Trollonish) August 25, 2013
Be Patient With One Another
You’ve been waiting for ages to check out that new release. You put it off until you can both watch it together. That time finally comes and you are at an intense point in the film when your spouse interrupts, asking, “What’s going to happen now?!?!” Be like Twitter user @Nathanpehler and promise to keep your cool.
I promise to keep my cool when you ask me "what's going on?" during movies that we haven't seen. Might be tough. #RealisticWeddingVows
— Natanic (@Nathanpehler) November 30, 2014
Your Undying Commitment
Yes, realistic wedding vows can be meaningful, funny and personal. Ultimately, they should speak of your promise to each other. That said, you might not want to include the words of @Mooooky2, who tweeted, “I promise to try really hard for at least a year.”
Then again, maybe you do.
I promise to try really hard for at least a year.
— Mooky (@Mooooky2) November 30, 2014