The Worst Candy You Can Get For Halloween
Which of these is your least favorite?
Halloween was one of the best times to be a kid. Not only did you get to dress up in awesome costumes, but you also got to walk around and extort candy from your neighbors. Who can forget the feeling of dumping your haul onto the floor with your buddies and seeing who got the most and best candy? And by that, I mean who got the most Reese’s, because peanut butter.
But if you remember that, you also remember the feeling when your neighbor dumped lame candies into your bag and you desperately tried to convince your friend to give you one chocolate bar for 17 Jolly Ranchers. And don’t even get me started on the people who didn’t give out candy and gave out random items because they clearly forgot to go shopping before Halloween.
So with Halloween rapidly approaching, we’re taking a second to remember all of the worst candies you could get. If you want a scientific study of good candy, go to our list of the best Halloween candies. This space is reserved for all of the candy that made you want to just toilet-paper your neighbor’s tree and, yes, this list is highly subjective.
This is a safe space, so I’m going to admit something: I like candy corn. No, I don’t eat it all year ’round, and certainly not on a pizza. But when fall comes around, I will happily munch on a bag. So I personally would be happy to get candy corn for Halloween. But I am leading off this list with it as an acknowledgment that not everybody feels that way. Some people might feel like it’s eating candle wax.
Sure, bubblegum is OK when you’ve got nothing else to do and nothing else to eat. But Halloween is all about stuffing your gullet with as much candy as you possibly can. It’s time-consuming to chew bubble gum to its completion. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
We just talked about the time factor when it comes to bubblegum, and lollipops present the same problem. Plus, they’re sticky and gross and turn your mouth funky colors.
It’s not that Tootsie Rolls are especially bad. They’re just… meh. They look like chocolate, but don’t quite taste like chocolate. In both looks and appeal, they’re the candy version of the poop emoji. And we’re not even going to talk about those fruity Tootsie Rolls.
— Tootsie Roll (@TootsieRoll) September 28, 2018
Tootsie pops manage to combine the previous two items on our list, so yeah, they’re here as well.
— Mr. Owl (@MrOwl) October 23, 2018
Plus, I always found those commercials for them irritating for some reason. Maybe it’s because this kid is just walking around naked talking to animals.
Sorry, Grandma, this is why we don’t trick-or-treat at your house. Nobody wants to see hard candy in their bag. Except Werther’s. I like Werther’s. But I’m also an old person on the inside.
— Drinkz Foodzz (@drinkzfoodzz) October 18, 2018
Smarties are just pieces of colorful chalk teachers have left over from class. Besides, you might be eating Tums later on for your stomach, so you’ll get your fill of gritty tablets later on.
— Smarties® (@Smarties) April 28, 2018
Hot Tamales And Fireballs
Candy should not be spicy. That is a hill I am willing to die on.
— HOT TAMALES® 🔥 (@HOTTAMALESBrand) June 27, 2017
Healthy (Or At Least Healthy-ish) Stuff
This covers apples, trail mix, nuts, pretzels, raisins and other non-candy food items. Childhood obesity is an epidemic sweeping the nation, and there will come a time when we all need to band together to make sure our kids eat healthier. Halloween is not that time. Give the kids one day without apple slices. If you cover the apples in caramel, maaaaaybe we can talk.
Do I even need to explain this one?
What was the candy you most hated to receive as a child?