Married life. For the many, many, many pluses of marriage we hear about, there are so many comedic moments, too—some on purpose, many by accident.
Apparently, married people have a lot to say about their lives because Twitter is teeming with tweets about #marriedlife. We’ve been scouring Twitter for the funniest tweets about marriage and we can’t stop LOLing. After all, marriage does provide some pretty great material for comedy, and it’s amazing how much people can say about being #Married in just 140 characters.
Below, we compiled our favorites tweets about the often hilarious realities of spending the rest of your life with one person. Chances are, you will find them very relatable, and you might even start composing a few #MarriedLife tweets of your own (even if you don’t post them).
1. Your Spouse Knows The Answers To Your Problems
Wife: I’m heading to the store. Do you want anything?
Me: A sense of meaning and purpose in my life.
Wife: *adds beer to the grocery list*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 21, 2016
2. And That May Involve Him Or Her Leaving Town
https://twitter.com/cray_at_home_ma/status/768867678991818752
3. Other Times, They May Remind You Of One Of The Kids
When ur husband joins u grocery shopping to "help" w/the 2 kids. Then it's like having 3 kids at the store🙄 #MarriedLife #momlife @Wegmans
— Julie Sutton Vogt (@JulieSuttonNY) September 10, 2016
4. You May Have Insanely Exciting Outings…To IKEA
At #IKEA my brother: "in high school we used to go to mall to hang out. Now we go to IKEA to hang out." #marriedlife
— 🦉тαтιαηα (@vavera4ka) September 10, 2016
5. And When You Go Out To Eat, Your Significant Other May Want To Budget
I'll have the chicken finger platter & my lovely #wife will have…
*hands over coupon
…something of equal or lesser value#marriedlife
— HEY! Wedding Day (@HeyWeddingDay) September 15, 2016
6. Or Want You To Dress A Certain Way
Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on? Stop talking in secret code.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 14, 2016
7. And They May Not Always Say What They Mean
https://twitter.com/MilesOrionFeld/status/774788434900635649
8. Passive-Aggression, Anyone?
Just another Friday night spent spitefully doing the dishes left in the sink since Tuesday & rage folding laundry from the previous weekend.
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) April 9, 2016
9. But Some Think Being Passive-Aggressive Is Just A Given
You can’t get married until you’re proficient in passive aggressive sighing.
— Worst account ever (@notthat_1) September 15, 2016
10. Back At Home, Your Partner May Take Watching Sports Very Seriously
https://twitter.com/Tanya_Mann_/status/776325064019021824
11. And Your Friday Nights May Be Wilder Than Ever
It's Friday night, so you know what that means!
*watches documentary about Duke Ellington
*begs husband to "get these pretzels away from me"— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) April 2, 2016
12. Some Nights, You May Not Share The Bed
Having to sleep on the couch because your sick husband has laid on every inch of the bed. #marriedlife
— Kristen McWilliams (@kristen11mac) September 21, 2016
13. And It’ll Suddenly Dawn On You: When Did All Their Endearing Habits Become Not-So-Endearing?!
#preach lol #marriedlife pic.twitter.com/U5V38qVE7Q
— Q107 Toronto (@Q107Toronto) September 11, 2016
14. In General, Some Think Being Married Is A Form Of Therapy
Welcome to behavior modification therapy 101. #MarriedLife https://t.co/M7WXhaO1wj
— Owls and Olives (@owlzandolivez) September 11, 2016
15. And Words Take On Whole New Meanings
https://twitter.com/JoshontheGo/status/771497611169783808
16. And, Yep, Even Sex Changes
Me: I’m not wearing any underwear…..
Wife: Really?
Me: I’ve got that heat rash again… #MarriedLife #marriage #sexyme— Man In The Red (@ManInTheRed_) September 10, 2016